Highs, Lows and the In-betweens

Highs and lows are part of life. Yes, accepted, even she understands that. But how frequent should the high and low be. Is there a right or a wrong way life changes from low to high and vice versa?

In fact, each day is a rainbow of highs and lows of varying degrees. All shades are available, and they jump in anytime, whether we like it or not. Her days were no different, with too many shades of life flashing in front of her everyday, too quickly for her to comprehend. She just wasn't ready for the swift changing of the shades every moment. She would get up dull, get ready and go to work. By the time she reached office, she would feel super energetic and would glide through the tasks with super ease. The next hour she would feel a sudden drip in her enthusiasm, and would start having bouts of crying. 

"I feel all possible shades of emotions, are getting flashed to me, irrespective of the situation around me. " 

"I got up late today, I should panic. But no, I am sitting calmly in my bed staring at the table clock! "

"I start reading my favorite book, but it makes me feel so sad. "

"I am hanging out with my friends, having a laughing riot, then why do I suddenly start feeling lonely and become depressed? "

"I get angry on a colleague who just cracked a sarcastic joke on me, whereas I know that he usually cracks on everyone. "

She wonders, "Why am I unable to understand my emotions? Looks like my emotion system has got out of place. " 

I see people at work startled at her actions. Some understand her, others ridicule her. 

Colleague 1: "Oh poor girl, can't even imagine what she must be going through! " 

Colleague 2: "Ah that girl.. you know you can't say anything to her, you never know when she bursts in tears. "

Colleague 3: "Hmm, I think she is wierdo, better stay away from her. Not sure how she reacts. "

She gets hurt upon coming across such comments, sometimes hurled directly, sometimes behind her back.  She is more upset that she feels helpless, she tries and tries to act as 'expected' by a 'normal' person of her age and gender, but she finds it hard to understand and fight her emotions. 

She keeps pondering over and over again, "Emotions are part of me. I don't understand why I feel any particular emotion at any point of time. I try to change it according to my 'ideal expectation'. But it just doesn't feel right! How can survive if I keep fighting with myself? I feel so helpless! I wish somebody could explain me at least what's going on. "

I wonder, is it fair if we dictate our emotions? Like she is trying here to control hers. She thinks, if she is late, she should panic. But what if it's a cool, bright morning after the previous day's late night tornado. Her tired body got some more rest out of the extra time she slept and is now feeling refreshed and energetic.

She may be reading her favorite book, I am assuming because it makes her feel good. Could be that, the previous times whenever she had read the book, she would have been in a relaxed mood already.  Or maybe, this time when she was reading the book, the same character triggered a sad event from the past. 

Like her, most of the adults control their emotions. In fact, the world around us pushes us to fight it out even more. In fact, unknowingly you also may have said that to a friend who is just recovering from her father's death, "Hey, why are you sad? Your dad would never want to see you crying like this, right? Don't cry. " Enough fighting with our emotions all the time. She has lost her parent, she was clearly so attached to him that she feels the grief that he is no more. Can we try respecting her emotion and let her be, so that she can go through this phase and recover naturally?

I don't know if Bengaluru hudugi will read this or hear me out, but I want to tell her, "No more questioning your emotions, if you stop questing yourself, others cannot question you. No one can call you wierdo, in fact, then you can call those who suppress their emotions as wierdo (*wink)! "