Our dear hudugi once decided to set out for a walk in the evening on her own. She was desperately looking for some answers. She was unable to make sense what was going on. She seemed to be sinking into a very deep, dark pit which felt like a quicksand. To her surprise, life seemed to be running normal around, as if she was invisible to her surroundings.
How much she longed to be understood by someone, but alas! The world around seemed to be too chaotic for her to understand. Everyone seemed to be running after something or away from something. It was either a group of kids running towards home, or an exhausted employee running away from work. She hoped at least one person in the crowd would see the tears which she was very strongly holding inside her. There were moments when the tear drops would trickle down, and sometimes she would be weeping profusely. She knew she was in immense, unbearable pain, but surprisingly nobody seemed to notice her crying, as if she was non-existent for the world around.
When she would be done with her walk and of course with the bouts of crying, she would come back silently and lie motionless in her bed for hours. She would sometimes wonder, "I am unable to feel any emotion, am I dead? " Her feelings go numb, only her body moving around as if she doesn't belong to that place. She can hear the people around talking but they don't seem to be interacting with her. She felt as if she is buried underground, with the earthly mud over her, but she can hear people walking on the soil above. They are nearby, they can't see her, but she can feel their presence.
But she is able to think, she still is generating thoughts. Hudugi is able to make some sense, at least she can make out that people are not communicating with her. Then followed the next chain of thoughts, "How did I get buried? I am walking around, so definitely I am not buried under the earth, then where am I stuck? ".
"Is it a box? Why can't I see that box? And why can I see outside the box but others cannot see me!".
"How can I seek help if no one can hear me? "
"Am I going to get buried for real? I feel so scared. "
There is a sudden realization... "I feel scared. I f-e-e-l..... I still got some feelings. I am not dead definitely! " And lo! Matter of few seconds, she starts healing a bit, it's a relief for her that all is not lost. She is hopeful, for a day when she will be lively again, which can visit her any moment. She just needs to hold on. With this thought, she moves on with her walking, to go for another set around the block.
Comments
Post a Comment