Straight from the Heart

I wonder, which is more painful, the actual trauma or the period after the trauma is over... when you look back and shudder on the mere recall of events. Of course, the individual has braved through a difficult situation in life, but probably is not well-prepared for the aftermath of the trauma on the emotional and mental well-being.  Today I came across few ramblings by Hudugi. Well.... I am not really sure when she wrote this, but looks like she has undergone a tragedy  which is why she is depressed. Probably she keeps having flashbacks of the event which makes her cry. This is what she had written... "I feel scared when I get back emotions. Right now I am leading my life, but my heart is emotionless. It's like a blank page of this diary where I have started writing.  My heart is full of sadness and it is the silence after the storm. Like everything bad is over, and now I'm standing among the ruins of my past. I don't know from where to start. It is time to m...

Highs and lows are part of life. Yes, accepted, even she understands that. But how frequent should the high and low be. Is there a right or a wrong way life changes from low to high and vice versa? In fact, each day is a rainbow of highs and lows of varying degrees. All shades are available, and they jump in anytime, whether we like it or not. Her days were no different, with too many shades of life flashing in front of her everyday, too quickly for her to comprehend. She just wasn't ready for the swift changing of the shades every moment. She would get up dull, get ready and go to work. By the time she reached office, she would feel super energetic and would glide through the tasks with super ease. The next hour she would feel a sudden drip in her enthusiasm, and would start having bouts of crying.  " I feel all possible shades of emotions, are getting flashed to me, irrespective of the situation around me. "  " I got up late today, I should panic. But...

O ur dear hudugi once decided to set out for a walk in the evening on her own. She was desperately looking for some answers. She was unable to make sense what was going on. She seemed to be sinking into a very deep, dark pit which felt like a quicksand. To her surprise, life seemed to be running normal around, as if she was invisible to her surroundings. How much she longed to be understood by someone, but alas! The world around seemed to be too chaotic for her to understand. Everyone seemed to be running after something or away from something. It was either a group of kids running towards home, or an exhausted employee running away from work. She hoped at least one person in the crowd would see the tears which she was very strongly holding inside her. There were moments when the tear drops would trickle down, and sometimes she would be weeping profusely. She knew she was in immense, unbearable pain, but surprisingly nobody seemed to notice her crying, as if she was non-existent f...

T here are days when this girl does lots and lots of talking. She is the center of attraction. Her spontaneity and witty one liners amaze everyone around. They are just mesmerized with this girl, who seems to have appeared only to entertain and engage the people around her. She is full of liveliness...at that moment, no one can think in the wildest dreams that she is broken inside. Her soul is starving, yet she ignores herself to only make everyone around laugh and laugh and laugh! Well, then there are long spells of days, when this lovely girl is struggling through every moment of her day. She cannot even meet an eye... looking into any face makes her break down and burst into tears. She was told that crying in public is very shameful, if she is suffering, she should brave it somehow, but never cry in public. She avoids crowds, stay away from any human interaction. Her condition is similar to a shiny, good looking apple, which is rotten inside. But such a fruit if le...